one better

Ed Hardy clothes are fugly.

I think this is something we can all agree on.

Ed Hardy clothes are some of the god-awfulest, eye melting, design challenged pieces of clothing ever made in the history off clothing manufacturing.  The previous statement needs no justification – just look.  The only other company that comes close is Affliction & to me they make the list more because of the mega-douches that wear that shit.  But this isn’t about Affliction – in fact that could be a whole different post…

Here’s what really grinds my gears about Ed Hardy:

The GODAWFUL, SEIZURE-INDUCING color schemes.  It looks like a baby who ate a box of crayons – got diarrhea – and this was the resulting color mix.

For the ladies:

MY EYES - THEY BURN!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!1!!

For the Bros:

I would bunch this bro in the face.

What? The. Fuck?  Who are the people that see this in the store, purchase it, & consider it a good idea to wear that in public?  People who need lazer eye surgery – though I suppose that wouldn’t cure the STUPID that’s obviously residing deep in their brains.  Why the stupid?  Well I’m going to go out on a limb here – but I’m guessing the majority of the wearers of these garments are not tattoo enthusiast themselves.  They just see colorful pictures & get distracted.  Also – you know the skull – as a punk/metal/tattoo symbol is dead when it starts appearing in contexts such as these.

Now I know you don’t need to be a tattoo enthusiast to wear something like this.  At the same time – it doesn’t make much sense though – given what the artwork represents.  But it’s not – a matter of keeping it real.  No.  Nobody can keep it real anymore*.  Maybe – instead – it’s the greatest example of post-modernist clothing ever created.  Maybe – this represents the pinnacle of art & design were the art itself lacks a social definition.  It’s moved past the point of being about tattoos & ‘urban wear’ – to the point of melding the two styles together to create the ultimate in tackiness.  Maybe – that’s the whole point – and I’m just not getting it…

I doubt it though…

Ed Hardy is like a glorified version of those shirts that make it look like you have tattoo sleeves – but in reality – you do not.  A quick search the EVIL Google returns a company who’s sole purpose in life is to create that crap.  I’m sure you’re wondering – does it look real?

Awesome ink, bro!

The answer is no.  No it doesn’t.  Because of the wrinkles in the fabric.  And because it’s made out of fabric – not ink under your skin.  Yet I digress…  So – where was I? Yes…  Ed Hardy clothing is very much like this…

Clothing like this represents all that is wrong with the commodification of a subculture.  So in closing – to anyone who thinks wearing this stuff is a good idea – go F yourself – you look like an idiot.

*No citation needed.  Just look around you – 4/5 people don’t keep it real.  If you think you are – then most likely NONE of your friends are.

Aesthetically I don’t like it.

The definition of regard is attention or consideration…   That means no matter the e-mail – you’ve paid it the best attention or consideration possible.  I don’t think that’s true of the majority of e-mails that contain Best Regards as a closing.  Maybe that’s the root of my disdain for it – it’s totally bullshit.

The use of that phrase is right up there with people who use “Warmest Regards” – I want to punch them in their stupid-stupid faces.

I’m slowly starting to close my e-mails with a whole bunch of nothing…  It goes something like this.

Person,

Blah Blah Blah…

Blah Blah.

-Peter

I also like the way John Hodgman’s closes his blog posts:  That is all. That really sums it up.  Because he’s done writing on the topic, there’s nothing left to say, and he lets you know it…  This is not to say that using Best Regards somehow teases the person reading into thinking there’s more to come…  Instead using that implies the author used some sort of loving or caring depth in composing the missive – when the reality is much the opposite.

Having said all that…

Warmest Best Regards mother-f-er’s!,

-Peter

Listen up ‘tubes…

People who clap too enthusiastically – who employ their elbows to heavily in their clapping – are now on notice.  Stop it.  Cut. It. Out.

You know who you are… You’re clapping with arms partially bent – bringing your palms together and apart with at minimum 6-8 inches in between…  You fail to realize that the majority of the world’s clapping is accomplished using the forearms.  But not you – you insist of getting the full clapping potential out of your shoulder sockets.  Do you think people might think you’re serious – so you need to exaggerate your adulation?

Nothing justifies this wide range of movement – even when expressing congratulatory sentiments.  Plus – it looks awkward – even when used by people who might not otherwise seem it.

So please – stop it.  Clap normally – use your forearms.